Love to Vegas

Killing, i dont get it. I feel bad raising my voice and have a small anxiety attack when smacking my sons hand, how is it some one can lose it and kill another soul let alone continue to shoot and see boddies fall. I cant wrap my brain around it. I find my self struggling from time to time with suicidal thoughts but all i have to do is think of any one of my loved ones finding my body and I can not do that to them. My son crying for me to wake up and me not. My love crying as my son is taken from him because he is not Malakis legal father, Randy would loose everything in one swoop. My Mom bawling. Nope that's not all that i can picture but its enough, enough to know that i can not do that to them. So when I hear about some one killing many others before killing himself i wonder how? Not only are his family and friends greiving but thousands others as well. I do not get it... how? How low would his vibration have to be to get to that point? As every one turns and feels bad for all that he igured and killed is it wrong for me to weep for him? What life did he have that drained him so much of the light we are all born with? Who hurt this man so much? Was this his choose above? To lower his vibration so much that he would be able to do such a deed? My heart goes out to both those that knew this man to lose gim in such a way and those and their families effected by this mans actions.